“Marriage 101 (Part 1)”
Marriage: Probably one of the most controversial
topics in relationship matters; even though there are laws and regulations
guiding it in most religions, it is still being misinterpreted and sometimes even
misused due to differences in individual perspectives concerning the topic and
also one’s level of understanding…
Who should I marry? When should
I marry? Probably two of some of the most daunting questions every single may
have a hard time answering…Because, It’s a choice of a lifetime with little or
no chances of going back…Though humans are created as beings of choice;
they cannot choose their parents, families, backgrounds, country or race,
before they are born; but however, the only choice they can make is the choice
of a life partner-who to marry and spend the rest of their lives with…A choice
which will affect their lives forever, either positively or negatively,
depending on the outcome of one’s choice…
It will be observed that the
most pressures and influences on one’s decisions come when that period to
choose comes…Limitless advices, suggestions and ideas from all angles; yet,
only the carrier will know the weight of the cross when the time comes…Then
many make the mistake of taking decisions based on popular opinion or what is
generally acceptable, forgetting the fact that what works for one may not work
for all…
Truth remains that, Marriage was
instituted by God, man’s creator when He made Eve for Adam, for the major aim
of companionship first, then reproduction, and His Word He also gave as man’s
manual for a lasting marriage…But, quite unfortunate that God’s order is most
times disregarded or even disordered by man for his own selfish ambition and
will…
Marriage is definitely beyond
the joining together of two love birds; one man who is of age and one woman who
is of age, to have fun and have children…The foundation upon which a marriage
is built matters the most…Of course, Love is always seen as the foundation, but
many fail to actually understand what love really means; Love based only on
what is seen or a feeling can definitely not build a lasting marriage because
what is seen or felt may not remain forever…
It’s not wise to understand
marriage in marriage when one can choose to understand marriage before
marriage…Its said “experience is the best teacher” but really that should not
apply in marriage when one can learn from the experience of others…because
there is no “I will do it better next time!” in this case…It is a one-time
decision whose effects last a life-time…
It’s also often said that
marriage is not for boys but men, not for girls but women; but maturity in
marriage is beyond just age, there is a place for emotional, psychological and
even most importantly spiritual readiness…If one wishes for the best partner,
then one must first prepare oneself to be the best partner too…In reality, “Who
you are is who you will attract” and that is true in marriage…The idea that
“opposites attract and likes repel” is only when trivial traits are put into
consideration…
Readiness for marriage is not
determined by age, achievements, or what people around think or suggest…You
can’t ‘think’ you are ready, you should ‘know’ you are ready; not based on
anything else but on a proper understanding of what marriage entails and what
God’s Word teaches as the guides for a lasting one…Many may not even be able to
properly define a “Wife” or a “Husband”; yet, they are in a hurry to enter the
cage for life with little or no chances of deliverance…
Indeed! Ready to Marry and Ready
for Marriage; are not the same...and Marriageable and Marry-able; are not also
the same!
Continue to Part 2...
"Marriage 101 (Part
2)"
Marriage is not a necessary
evil; it was instituted by God for a companionship that would last a life-time;
He said "It is not good for a man to be alone" and "He that findeth
a wife, findeth a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord"...So
marriage was meant to be good...Therefore, Any evils seen in marriages today is
often because of a product of a wrong foundation or a misunderstanding and
misinterpretation of God's order concerning marriage; and of course there is a
place for spiritual attacks...
Most 'big' issues in marriage
are mostly born out of so called 'small' issues ignored before marriage; When
one cannot differentiate between what is a foundation, a pillar, a roof or a
mere decoration; considering marriage as a building...
Man, of his own free will only,
is incapable of making the right judgments all the time; because the usual
tendency is to decide based on what is seen physically, probably after a period
of careful observation and in the midst of wise counselors; but still that
cannot guarantee the right results always...
Though most relationships would
often begin first with a sight but the worst error one can make is to go into
marriage based on the same as the foundation...To the man who married the
princess of the land, yet can't have a good night sleep; he now understands that
'beauty is vain' and To the woman married to the wealthiest man in the land,
yet shares him with uncountable other women, she now understands that 'comfort
is not happiness'...Though he definitely should marry the beauty of his 'eyes'
and she should also marry a provider of the comfort of her 'body'; but those
cannot be foundations...
Fact is, there is no recipe for
cooking up the right partner because actually, nobody fully knows anybody;
except one prepares to keep making recipes for the ever-changing human nature,
which would become one task too many...Tomorrow is not in the hands of any
human, therefore no one can predict what anyone would become, notwithstanding
the length of time invested in studying an individual or the amount of
preparation for the safety of the future...Truth! No one has the power to
permanently change anybody’s spirit; only the Holy Spirit has that power...
This is the beginning of
failure, “When God’s order is put out of order” or when every other
individual’s views have a place but God’s view has no place or when every other
advices are considered except God’s advice...How would the institution of
marriage succeed when the ideas of its founder and chancellor are least
respected and most ignored?
The true foundation of a
marriage is not physical, though can be expressed in physical...It’s called
“The Love of God”... A man still carrying in his spirit, the nature of the
fallen man can not truly express God’s kind of Love, no matter how nice he may
seem; the devil is still his master and he does not understand the Love of
God...A man who claims to love God must also seek to know and keep to God’s
commands concerning marriage...Any other Love built outside the foundation of
true Love for God with good proofs, is only a time-bomb waiting for the right
time to explode...Same reason why it’s so hard to understand or explain why,
they were the best couples in courtship, the ‘love’ and passion burning
unquenchable, happiness written all over on wedding day; yet, just a year after
; the same woman he virtually begged to marry becomes a punching bag or the
same man she thought she would die without becomes her greatest regret and the
day they said “I do” becomes their worst nightmare; The ‘feelings’ of Love and
Passion no were to be found anymore...
Truth is “What is after them is
beyond them unknowingly to them”...The True Love of God was the missing
foundation; the most important spiritual quality was considered least while
every other physical qualities were properly considered...A man/woman who truly
loves God will say or do whatever he/she does first to please God before
considering what pleases a partner; their actions are not based on what or who
is right or wrong but on a simple self-question “Will God be happy with me for
this?”...Spirituality is definitely beyond church attendance; the actual
measure of one’s true love for God is outside the walls of a church and the
eyes of the pastor; it’s expressed in everyday living, in words and in actions
everywhere...
Truth! There is no truly nice
guy/lady outside the love of God...
You don’t just ‘wish’ for the
right partner, you “Pray for” and “Prepare yourself” also to be the right
partner; because though you can’t change anyone, you can decide to change
yourself and attract only the right people to you...
The Love of God is first! Never
begin without putting the most important foundation in proper consideration
first!
Continue to Part 3...
"Marriage 101 (Part
3)"
From Part 2, it's inferred that the
partners' 'proven' Love for God (which is beyond just church attendance) is the
major spiritual foundation upon which a lasting marriage can be built and no one
can truly show true love without understanding God's love, no matter how nice the
person may seem...
The issue of 'Compatibility'
then comes to play, which many equally misinterpret...Compatibility on
spiritual matters, doctrines and values have the most important role, as there
is no true unity without unity in spirit (an example, one partner believes in
being born again and speaking in tongues by Holy Ghost baptism, and the other
partner doesn't, and yet they pray together hoping to be a couple or worst of
all, the other is a stack unrepentant unbeliever with proofs...Really more
serious than funny!)...Spiritual compatibility test should be first before any
other, while building a lasting 'Foundation'...
However, other considerations
also exists as 'Pillars' (such as character and temperament compatibility
tests, 'inward' qualities which one finds pleasing, being best friends and yet
lovers, personal choices of race, family background, age, education level, gifts
or talents, career line, and so on)...All those play vital roles in 'reducing'
issues of misunderstandings between partners bearing in mind that one cannot
find a perfect partner anywhere...
Also important are the physical
'outward' qualities (such as personal likes of beauty, complexion, height, weight
size, body build, shape, and so on)...Being humans having fleshly desires and
also knowing that attraction often begins by sight for many; outward appearance
must be considered, though must 'never' be used as foundation; they may be
considered as just the outward decorations of the marriage building which have
a natural tendency of instability or fading away anytime...
None of the above should be used
as a replacement for the most important 'spiritual' foundation which is the
principal determinant of how long the marriage building will stand and also the
only safety route if eventually there is an advent of an unexpected
negative change or the event of spiritual attacks in the future...Therefore, It
will only amount to folly and absurdity for one to start thinking of correcting
a foundational error when the building has been erected already...Again! It’s
possible, but ‘only’ the Holy Spirit has that ability...
Next! - Is there really God's
will/choice of a partner for one?...Has God made one particular right partner
somewhere which one must pray to locate n must marry?...What about those who
married as unbelievers without praying for the right partner and yet have the
best homes after repenting?....What about one's right to choose not to marry at
all allowed in the Bible, What happens to the other God-made partner??...What
about widows or widowers allowed to remarry, by the Bible, Would they be
marrying someone else's God-made partner as 2nd wife/husband????...
Continue to Part 4...
"Marriage 101
(Part 4)"
Lots have been discussed in
previous parts...Pls read them for better clarity...
Another major challenge faced by
singles comes a question...”Who is the right partner God has made for me or how
do I know God's choice for me?"...Unfortunately, many resorts to family,
friends, fortune-tellers or even some prophet to get answers...not totally
wrong, but none of those can guarantee choosing the right partner or a lasting
marriage...
Here's the usual mistake...God
does not find a partner for anyone!...He said "He that findeth..."
and just as He only brought Eve to Adam; Adam did the finding when he said
"This is now the bone..."
God does 'not' choose a partner
for anyone...He only gives "instructions/guidelines" for finding the
best for a lasting union(an example: One should not be "unequally yoked
with an unbeliever" neither with a 'so called' believer without a 'proven'
Love for God)...It may be an exercise in ignorance waiting to hear God's voice
directly, in a vision or a dream about picking the right partner, which He
hardly does because in His Word are all the directions one needs...
So actually praying for God to
help one find or choose a partner could be a waste if done ignorantly...One can
only be a 'passionate' God-pleaser first, den can pray for God's help not to
choose wrongly which God would never even allow for any of His 'true' child; because
it’s His responsibility to shield them from evil devices and He will always
order their steps...However, everyone bears the consequences of their 'own'
choices...
Another mistake;...The widely
accepted idea that there is one fixed partner God has specially created for
each one which one must locate and marry...This is often the misconception when
one only considers the issue of 'compatibility' physically alone...
Fact is; for every 'believer',
there is only 'one' kind of human 'spirit' God-made, that would be compatible
with theirs and that spirit can be in many bodies in different places; so we actually
can find the same 'inward' real persons in different bodies with just different
physical 'outward' appearances just as we can find different people having the
same behaviour/character...
That answers many questions like;
Why the Bible allows, if one decides like Paul not to marry and yet won't
render his God-made wife somewhere single-for-life too; or Why the Bible allows
Christian widows/widowers to remarry and yet He won't create an emergency
partner for them neither will they marry someone else's God-made partner; or
most especially, Why many who never prayed for the right partner before
marriage and probably choose wrongly and yet after knowing God, they have the
best home and may even become ministers of God (because the Holy Spirit, the
only One who has the power to Change humans 'spirits' has turned them to the
right partners, without need for separation or change of body)...
Therefore, it would be wrong to
believe that God has made one fixed partner for one; when considered by
physical qualities only...
Truth is "Everyone has
'many' spiritually-compatible life-partners somewhere though allowed marrying
only one at once"...
Many issues of 'irrecoverable'
heart-breaks and do or die affairs in relationships-if well considered, is
often when human 'feelings' are 'allowed' to becloud one's sense of reasoning
or making compatibility tests using physical terms only and often, disregard
for God's commands....
The root of most problems
is..."When many 'choose' to be self-pleasers and men-pleasers, rather than
God-pleasers"...Life is all about Choices!
Friends, choose with the 'right
understanding' while you 'watch and pray'!
Continue to Part 5...
"Marriage 101 (Part
5)"
Who Is A Husband?
Having the right answers to the
above question should be the first step one should take before choosing a
partner; and as previously stated, Issues often arise when God's order are
disregarded or put out of order...
Many have wrong understanding
and interpretation of which a husband really should be; especially in our
present generation where freedom and independence is everyone's will...
A husband is not just a man who is
married to a woman he loves and provides the needs of his family...
This is a "Husband":
1. First and most importantly,
He is a 'true' Lover of God, and then he should be able to properly define a
"Wife"...
2. He truly loves his wife as
himself 'unconditionally', as he loves God and as Christ loves His Church...
3. He understands his wife is the
'most important' person in his life; she is his 'glory' so she's second 'only'
after God...
4.He 'should' be the Spiritual
head/pastor/prophet of his own home; his prayers and 'words ‘have power to make
or break his home...
5. He provides the best comfort
'he can' for his family not just materially, but also emotionally, spiritually,
and otherwise...
6. He does not have a
questionable character and has the important virtue of 'patience' (all
compatibility tests having been done though)...
7. He has the ability to 'head'
and 'lead' the family aright, through both good and bad times...
8.He is his wife's 'number one' adviser,
teacher, pastor and mentor and yet he's her 'best friend' with the
'understanding' that she is 'not' inferior to him, not his slave, but his
help-mate as God ordained it...
9. He has workable and
achievable plans, visions and dreams for both himself and his family, not
forgetting God's place in it...
10. He keeps the 'right' company
and he's not easily influenced to compromise his faith and values...
Confusion only sets in when
'she' does not understand what she should look for and 'he' does not understand
what he should be...
Watch and Pray, with understanding!
Next! Who Is A Wife?
Continue to Part 6...
"Marriage 101 (Part
6)"
Who Is A Wife?
She is not just a married woman
who gives birth to children and takes care of the home...
This is a "Wife":
1. She is a passionate Lover of
God and she can rightly define a 'husband'...
2. She truly loves her husband
'unconditionally' and understands her role as a home-maker...
3. She understands her
place/role as a 'help-mate' to her husband in 'all' aspects; emotionally,
financially, socially and spiritually, as ordained by God...
4. She is 'submissive' to her
husband always (with wisdom and understanding), acknowledging his authority
over her, even though he may not be right always...
5. She understands what 'true'
respect means to her husband as the head of the family and accords it to him as
'Godly' as possible...
6.She understands that true
beauty is first a matter of the 'heart' and beyond outward appearance; but she
never also forgets that "she had to look good 'to' him, to 'get' him
attracted, so she has to keep looking good 'for' him to 'keep' him
attracted"...
7. She acknowledges her husband
as her best friend, adviser, teacher and mentor; and he should also be the
spiritual head/pastor/prophet of the family (that's if he is 'actively'
assuming the position)...
8. She’s united with her husband
spirit, soul and body and understands that no one really has the power to
separate them except them...
9. She is a 'patient' virtuous
woman of likeable and unquestionable character (the necessary 'compatibility'
tests having been done)...
10. She keeps the 'right'
company and understands the influence of anyone outside her family; she is not
easily moved to compromise her faith or values...
Issues are easily resolved when
'She' understands and is who she should be and 'He' understands her for who she
is...
Next! Who Is A Couple?
Continue to Part 7...
“Marriage 101 (Part 7)”
Who is a Couple?
A couple could be defined as, two similar things: two things of the same
kind that are together or are considered as a pair…It could also be seen as two
people sharing lives: two people who are married, are living together, or have
an intimate relationship…
However, the major emphasis is that a couple though two things or persons,
is treated as a single entity based on the bond of connection and similarities
between them…
The Word says “…and the two shall become one flesh”…Therefore God no longer
views a legally married couple as two different persons, but as one body that
should be united spirit, soul and body and before God, they are not just bonded
by an agreement but by a lasting “Covenant” which remains binding till death…
The responsibility of maintaining this oneness lies in the hands of the
couple based on mutual understanding and an understanding of God’s order and
commands concerning marriage…
Some consider marriage like a company where there is the office of a
“Husband” and the office of a “Wife” both with independently shared responsibilities
having a “Boss” and “Subordinate” relationship; or some view it as a contract
reached by bargain and agreement with each party having to fulfill their own
part of the bargain for mutual gain, and are bound only by the terms of the
contract, without God’s order in view; thereby misinterpreting the major aim of
marriage; Companionship and Unity…
This is a “Couple”:
1. They are ‘true’ lovers of God and their union is built on the spiritual
foundation of that love for God, and solely based upon His commands,
understanding that marriage is a covenant which is not meant to be broken
anyhow without greater consequences…
2. They both understand and can properly define what and who they should be
as pillars of the family, by God’s order.
3. The love binding them is truly unconditional, self-less and
self-sacrificing; with the important virtues of patience and forgiveness part
of their everyday life…
4.They are united in every way; spirit, soul and body with a good
understanding that they are not two people but one person in God’s eyes and one
cannot separate a part of oneself from oneself and live in peace and comfort
neither can one torment one’s own self and not live in pains and regrets…
5. They both understand each other as specially unique individuals in
character, temperament, values and beliefs; having done proper compatibility
matches…
6. They both understand that the responsibility of having a lasting marriage
and raising Godly children is by their joint efforts, not exclusive to any one
partner alone…
7.They do everything within their power to keep the fire of
their love and passion burning, never closing the door of open communication as
a vital ingredient; knowing they are like in a small world of their own where
survival is not of the fittest but by full dependence on God and each other
alone…
8. They believe, support and help in the fulfillment of each other’s goals,
dreams and visions in life…
9. To them, there is no “I” but “We”, there is no “Me” but “Us”; they are
the most important persons in each other’s lives; they are best friends,
lovers, partners and colleagues, yet with due reverence and respect for each
other…
10. They properly understand the place of outside family, friends and
companies that may be hazardous to their union, knowing that the family began
with two who became one and must continue as one alone, and no one can separate
them except themselves…
When they know what and who they are meant to be or should be, the journey
of marriage becomes an easier road to travel…
Watch and Pray, with ‘understanding’!
“Marriage 101 (Part
8)"
Conclusion
Marriage was instituted by God,
the creator of all mankind, for the major aim of companionship and
multiplication. It is not a necessary evil and was made to be a lasting
covenant that should only be broken by the death of one of the partners…
Though humans do not have the
ability to choose their origin race, family or parents, but they have the
ability to choose a life-partner with whom to build their own family…This often
is a choice of a life-time, which would in turn affect their lives positively
or negatively based on their own choice and making…
God does not make the choice of
a life partner for individuals neither does He create any fixed and specific
partners for anyone, but He has give in His Word the commands and guidelines
for making the choice and having a lasting marriage; though God’s order is
often disregarded by many who end up making choices based on many irrelevant
criteria and the usual world system…
The individuals’ Love for God
which should be the most important spiritual foundation for a lasting marriage
is often overlooked and replaced with many trivial physical attractions which
would never last forever; thereby building a marriage on a wrong foundation of
a selfish and conditional love…
A lack of good understanding of
what marriage entails and God’s order concerning it is often the root of most
marital issues; when compatibility matches are only done based on physical
considerations, leaving out the most important spiritual compatibility tests…
The ability to properly
understand and define who is a “Wife”, “Husband” and “A Couple” based on the
original intent of God who instituted marriage, would definitely make the
journey an easier one to travel, with the least troubles and challenges that
would always be surmounted…
The way to making the right
choice is not just by praying, but by praying with understanding, being a
passionate God-pleaser as He is one’s only defense against evil devices; and
also preparing oneself to be the best partner while looking for the best;
because one will always attract who one really is on the inside no matter how
deceptive the outward appearance looks…
Again! ‘Ready to Marry’ may not
mean ‘Ready for Marriage’ and ‘Marriageable’ may not mean ‘Marry-able’!
Understanding is the key! Life
is not a game of chances; Life is a game of Choices and God is the originator
of the game... The best way to always win is to play it His way always!
God bless you!
#GodIsStillInCharge
